Shuffle, Shuffle

Update from OurUltimateDate.com

They say money isn’t everything. Who the heck are they?

The other night Cece and I were prancing down Oxford street with a bag full of clothes; a pile of new threads to wear for my new job. We were jubilant because both of us were feeling as if finally – after a rough couple of months – we could move forward on some OUDBOD projects as proud DINKs.

Well, as of today, we’re SINKs (Single-Income-No-Kids) again. I’m back on the market. Not for new clothes, but a new job.

To say I felt a bit numb on the train home yesterday is pretty accurate. The details of what happened are long, but basically the role didn’t work out. The upshot was that I took home some Tupperware that no one at the office wanted and I also made a great contact. On a scale larger than Tupperware, however, the budget Cece and I made for ourselves needs a re-look, taking into account the new clothes I splashed on and my sudden lack of a permanent job. Some of the OUDBOD dreams may suffer delays.

But not all is lost. I called my old temp job and they were happy to take me back for a few weeks, so at least I’m still employed – and I guess that means that we can move from SINKs back to part-time DINKs. I re-contacted all the recruitment agencies and they’re out looking for new roles for me.

Last night as I left that office I was dressed to kill, but inside my new clothes I was pretty down. However, all I know how to do is get back on the horse and try again. So I will.

Tripping doesn’t mean you have to fall.

Shuffle, Shuffle

Update from OurUltimateDate.com

They say money isn’t everything. Who the heck are they?

The other night Cece and I were prancing down Oxford street with a bag full of clothes; a pile of new threads to wear for my new job. We were jubilant because both of us were feeling as if finally – after a rough couple of months – we could move forward on some OUDBOD projects as proud DINKs.

Well, as of today, we’re SINKs (Single-Income-No-Kids) again. I’m back on the market. Not for new clothes, but a new job.

To say I felt a bit numb on the train home yesterday is pretty accurate. The details of what happened are long, but basically the role didn’t work out. The upshot was that I took home some Tupperware that no one at the office wanted and I also made a great contact. On a scale larger than Tupperware, however, the budget Cece and I made for ourselves needs a re-look, taking into account the new clothes I splashed on and my sudden lack of a permanent job. Some of the OUDBOD dreams may suffer delays.

But not all is lost. I called my old temp job and they were happy to take me back for a few weeks, so at least I’m still employed – and I guess that means that we can move from SINKs back to part-time DINKs. I re-contacted all the recruitment agencies and they’re out looking for new roles for me.

Last night as I left that office I was dressed to kill, but inside my new clothes I was pretty down. However, all I know how to do is get back on the horse and try again. So I will.

Tripping doesn’t mean you have to fall.

Moving Ahead

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

AYMW Video#65 - After a Hiatus

(Video not working? Click here)

Moving Ahead

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

AYMW Video#65 - After a Hiatus

(Video not working? Click here)

Owen Wilson, Suicide & Stopping the Pain

Owen Wilson is scheduled to give a My Space interview later today in which he is expected to finally discuss his attempted suicide last August.

In August the New York Post reported that the distraught actor was found "bloodied and dazed after overdosing on pills and slitting his wrists." The article added that "Wilson, 38, tried to take his own life after a bitter blowup with a close pal."

So how is it that even people who seem to have everything, who appear happy, stable and mentally healthy can laps into depression so deeply that they want to die? It may be difficult to understand but it is not unusual.

Depression is largely a silent killer. Because of stigma and denial the depressed person attempts to hide their symptoms from the world and even from themselves. When in public they put on a smiling mask and do their best to get through their day - until they sink so low that they can no longer function in public.

Even then the depressed person may claim illness or exhaustion to disguise their mental darkness and emotional pain. The pain becomes so intolerable that they begin to believe that the only way to stop it is to end their life. Family and friends have their own denial to defend them from having to deal with something as frightening as a loved one's depressed mental state. And so the symptoms go unnoticed until it is too late.

Dissolving the taboo surrounding the topic of depression is one way to curtail a loved one's attempt at suicide. But our culture has a long way to go before we feel secure enough with our own ability to deal with anothers dark emotions. It takes courage, self awareness and understanding.

For more information about:
Depression click here
Depression Questions Answered click here.
More Answers click here
Suicide click here
Suicide Questions & Answers click here
Despair click here
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)click here

Owen Wilson, Suicide & Stopping the Pain

Owen Wilson is scheduled to give a My Space interview later today in which he is expected to finally discuss his attempted suicide last August.

In August the New York Post reported that the distraught actor was found "bloodied and dazed after overdosing on pills and slitting his wrists." The article added that "Wilson, 38, tried to take his own life after a bitter blowup with a close pal."

So how is it that even people who seem to have everything, who appear happy, stable and mentally healthy can laps into depression so deeply that they want to die? It may be difficult to understand but it is not unusual.

Depression is largely a silent killer. Because of stigma and denial the depressed person attempts to hide their symptoms from the world and even from themselves. When in public they put on a smiling mask and do their best to get through their day - until they sink so low that they can no longer function in public.

Even then the depressed person may claim illness or exhaustion to disguise their mental darkness and emotional pain. The pain becomes so intolerable that they begin to believe that the only way to stop it is to end their life. Family and friends have their own denial to defend them from having to deal with something as frightening as a loved one's depressed mental state. And so the symptoms go unnoticed until it is too late.

Dissolving the taboo surrounding the topic of depression is one way to curtail a loved one's attempt at suicide. But our culture has a long way to go before we feel secure enough with our own ability to deal with anothers dark emotions. It takes courage, self awareness and understanding.

For more information about:
Depression click here
Depression Questions Answered click here.
More Answers click here
Suicide click here
Suicide Questions & Answers click here
Despair click here
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)click here

Blast from the Past

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Well it certainly has been!

The other week CeCe and I went to have dinner with “A” – Date #3 from AreYouMyWife who’s date idea had been to tax me mentally in an Art Gallery. I also got to meet A’s friend, “D”, who was the person who convinced A to ask me out back in the early days of AreYouMyWife.

And remember Tamara? She’s the lovely Slovenian girl who met me in Budapest on a date that – among many other adventures – saw me wandering through catacombs and hot springs in Hungry. Well Tamara was visiting London this past weekend with her boyfriend, and they joined me on a London Skate and had some drinks with CeCe and I.

Tamara also became the first person to physically receive something from me that is a hint of what I’m working on next. Here is that “thing”…

And I will be telling you more in a very visual way very shortly, because it involves a lot of people from my past!

More soon…

Blast from the Past

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Well it certainly has been!

The other week CeCe and I went to have dinner with “A” – Date #3 from AreYouMyWife who’s date idea had been to tax me mentally in an Art Gallery. I also got to meet A’s friend, “D”, who was the person who convinced A to ask me out back in the early days of AreYouMyWife.

And remember Tamara? She’s the lovely Slovenian girl who met me in Budapest on a date that – among many other adventures – saw me wandering through catacombs and hot springs in Hungry. Well Tamara was visiting London this past weekend with her boyfriend, and they joined me on a London Skate and had some drinks with CeCe and I.

Tamara also became the first person to physically receive something from me that is a hint of what I’m working on next. Here is that “thing”…

And I will be telling you more in a very visual way very shortly, because it involves a lot of people from my past!

More soon…

Time Warp

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Well, it’s official: CeCe and I are now DINKs: Double Income No Kids. Yep, after a lot of bumps, I landed a great new job which starts in a week. This is a big step for CeCe and I, as it means a bit more financial freedom to work on OUDBOD. But recently I worried: Have I lost my groove in the past few months?

This time last year two major things happened.

The first was that I was flying to Montreal to attend the Fest of Evil, and a wonderful girl named Megan was flying in from California to be my date. The Fest of Evil is a creative event put together by my friend Harry (in photo next to horse). Harry can only be described as “unique”, “eclectic” and “legendary”. Every year he takes Halloween to a new level for all the people who come in from all over the world to attend the F of E.

The other major event is that it was this time last year when CeCe first read about me in the newspaper on her way to work, and emailed me. At the time she was going through a major struggle (something we still keep private on a blog), but she was also looking for a way to “shake life up a bit”, and to her AreYouMyWife looked to be in full swing: I was jitterbuggin’, life was unpredictable and zany, and creative execution was on high.

So one year on, I’m with CeCe and things have kind of sunk into a bit more routine. We leave for work in the morning, and it’s dark outside. We take the Tube to our jobs, and it’s dark. We come home, and it’s dark. We’re living the London life. Effectively, the difference between last year and this year is that CeCe now lives with the man she picked up in the newspaper one morning.

When we do get home we’re exhausted and most often just crash on the couch and watch a bit of mindless TV, then repeat until the weekend. The other night a show came on TV about people who get married and fall into dull routines and out of love with each other and life. The next day in the morning paper there was a story claiming that when men settle down, they lose their libido.

Well I don’t believe any of that. No matter what life hands you, you can always find a way to have a laugh. Especially if you’re a DINK. And as soon as I start my new job, CeCe and I might well be laughing… to the bank, then onwards through OUDBOD. We got some ideas we wanna rock before Xmas and into 2008 that seem a lot more possible now.

And in the future if someone frauds my bank account again, at least they’ll have a better time.

Time Warp

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Well, it’s official: CeCe and I are now DINKs: Double Income No Kids. Yep, after a lot of bumps, I landed a great new job which starts in a week. This is a big step for CeCe and I, as it means a bit more financial freedom to work on OUDBOD. But recently I worried: Have I lost my groove in the past few months?

This time last year two major things happened.

The first was that I was flying to Montreal to attend the Fest of Evil, and a wonderful girl named Megan was flying in from California to be my date. The Fest of Evil is a creative event put together by my friend Harry (in photo next to horse). Harry can only be described as “unique”, “eclectic” and “legendary”. Every year he takes Halloween to a new level for all the people who come in from all over the world to attend the F of E.

The other major event is that it was this time last year when CeCe first read about me in the newspaper on her way to work, and emailed me. At the time she was going through a major struggle (something we still keep private on a blog), but she was also looking for a way to “shake life up a bit”, and to her AreYouMyWife looked to be in full swing: I was jitterbuggin’, life was unpredictable and zany, and creative execution was on high.

So one year on, I’m with CeCe and things have kind of sunk into a bit more routine. We leave for work in the morning, and it’s dark outside. We take the Tube to our jobs, and it’s dark. We come home, and it’s dark. We’re living the London life. Effectively, the difference between last year and this year is that CeCe now lives with the man she picked up in the newspaper one morning.

When we do get home we’re exhausted and most often just crash on the couch and watch a bit of mindless TV, then repeat until the weekend. The other night a show came on TV about people who get married and fall into dull routines and out of love with each other and life. The next day in the morning paper there was a story claiming that when men settle down, they lose their libido.

Well I don’t believe any of that. No matter what life hands you, you can always find a way to have a laugh. Especially if you’re a DINK. And as soon as I start my new job, CeCe and I might well be laughing… to the bank, then onwards through OUDBOD. We got some ideas we wanna rock before Xmas and into 2008 that seem a lot more possible now.

And in the future if someone frauds my bank account again, at least they’ll have a better time.

Visual Improvement

Update from OurUltimateDate.com

Well, once you’re down you can only go up right? Despite the struggles and tribulations of the past few weeks, Cece and I haven’t lost focus and things are looking up.

Nevertheless, time does bleed together and fly by when one works full time, even as a “temp.” The old 9-5 routine I’ve been in for the past two weeks is nothing to be excited about save for the fact that it tops up my bank account as I interview for roles I really want and work on the OUDBOD.

However, I will divulge the following visuals about steps CeCe and I are taking towards Dreams 2 and 3.

As you can see, this is a pink notebook. It is new. It’s pages are blank. It sits waiting for November … which is when CeCe will start her part-time course at the London School of Fashion!

As you can see, this is a Door. It is new. The card it is printed on was at one time blank. It symbolises the idea I’m putting together for Dream#3.

This weekend – barring any laptop disasters or other struggles – I think I’ll go old school and make my first video in months telling you a bit more!

More soon…

Visual Improvement

Update from OurUltimateDate.com

Well, once you’re down you can only go up right? Despite the struggles and tribulations of the past few weeks, Cece and I haven’t lost focus and things are looking up.

Nevertheless, time does bleed together and fly by when one works full time, even as a “temp.” The old 9-5 routine I’ve been in for the past two weeks is nothing to be excited about save for the fact that it tops up my bank account as I interview for roles I really want and work on the OUDBOD.

However, I will divulge the following visuals about steps CeCe and I are taking towards Dreams 2 and 3.

As you can see, this is a pink notebook. It is new. It’s pages are blank. It sits waiting for November … which is when CeCe will start her part-time course at the London School of Fashion!

As you can see, this is a Door. It is new. The card it is printed on was at one time blank. It symbolises the idea I’m putting together for Dream#3.

This weekend – barring any laptop disasters or other struggles – I think I’ll go old school and make my first video in months telling you a bit more!

More soon…

Less Bumps and Some More Progress

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Long time no blog post.... but that is because things look to be turning around and I've been busy.

The postal workers have gone back to work – well, some of them – but my new bank card isn’t in yet, among other post. My temp role is going well and still flexible enough for me to get out to interviews for bigger roles. My overdue cheque came in, and the fraud department at my bank got me my money back!

And, as promised, CeCe and I have taken some steps towards dreams:

Dream#1 – Tell the whole truth
Cece gave me an idea to create something visual. I have an idea that I would like to achieve before Xmas, but it will involve some more R&D over the coming weeks.

Dream#2 – Cece in the fashion world
CeCe has signed up to the London School of Fashion to take a part-time course.

Dream#3 – Pass the torch
I’ve been playing around with some ideas lately, but next week I will give everyone a sure sign about what I’m going to do about it.

Anyway, I’d better get back to work!

More soon…

Less Bumps and Some More Progress

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Long time no blog post.... but that is because things look to be turning around and I've been busy.

The postal workers have gone back to work – well, some of them – but my new bank card isn’t in yet, among other post. My temp role is going well and still flexible enough for me to get out to interviews for bigger roles. My overdue cheque came in, and the fraud department at my bank got me my money back!

And, as promised, CeCe and I have taken some steps towards dreams:

Dream#1 – Tell the whole truth
Cece gave me an idea to create something visual. I have an idea that I would like to achieve before Xmas, but it will involve some more R&D over the coming weeks.

Dream#2 – Cece in the fashion world
CeCe has signed up to the London School of Fashion to take a part-time course.

Dream#3 – Pass the torch
I’ve been playing around with some ideas lately, but next week I will give everyone a sure sign about what I’m going to do about it.

Anyway, I’d better get back to work!

More soon…

Consumer Beware - Therapy for Therapists

Human beings have a tendency to stereotype and compartmentalize others. This is especially true for those in our culture that hold positions of authority such as doctors, clergy and police officers. We see them functioning in their profession and tend to forget that they are just people like us with families, problems and failings. This fact is particularly true for those who work in the mental health field.

This fact in of itself isn't a problem. The problem arises when those wishing to become therapists, counselors and psychologists are doing so as a way to elevate themselves in the eyes of others, and to mask their deep seated insecurities and lack of self-love behind a diploma. Somewhere inside they know that they need therapy themselves, but they are afraid to do the painful work of self introspection that therapy provides and that healing requires. So they get a degree in psychology instead. They may believe that having an education will eliminate their need for therapy - not so.

Without proper help, the educated, unhealed therapist attempts to convince themselves and others that their profession defines them. People look to them for answers in their own life expecting that the therapists' advice will be based on having gained mastery over their own emotional, marital and childhood difficulties. The unhealed therapist is perpetuating a lie and fraudulently takes money without the ability to sufficiently help others.

A therapist cannot lift a client higher than where they themselves are standing. Consequently it is imperative that each therapist be willing to do their own work before attempting to help others. To deny themselves of this is to live life as a fraud.

As a consumer, it is vital that you understand that about 50% of all therapists should be on the couch rather than behind it. Never assume that your therapist has all the answers. And realize that you may have to visit several therapists before you find one that is mentally healthy enough to lift you up to where you want to be.

Consumer Beware - Therapy for Therapists

Human beings have a tendency to stereotype and compartmentalize others. This is especially true for those in our culture that hold positions of authority such as doctors, clergy and police officers. We see them functioning in their profession and tend to forget that they are just people like us with families, problems and failings. This fact is particularly true for those who work in the mental health field.

This fact in of itself isn't a problem. The problem arises when those wishing to become therapists, counselors and psychologists are doing so as a way to elevate themselves in the eyes of others, and to mask their deep seated insecurities and lack of self-love behind a diploma. Somewhere inside they know that they need therapy themselves, but they are afraid to do the painful work of self introspection that therapy provides and that healing requires. So they get a degree in psychology instead. They may believe that having an education will eliminate their need for therapy - not so.

Without proper help, the educated, unhealed therapist attempts to convince themselves and others that their profession defines them. People look to them for answers in their own life expecting that the therapists' advice will be based on having gained mastery over their own emotional, marital and childhood difficulties. The unhealed therapist is perpetuating a lie and fraudulently takes money without the ability to sufficiently help others.

A therapist cannot lift a client higher than where they themselves are standing. Consequently it is imperative that each therapist be willing to do their own work before attempting to help others. To deny themselves of this is to live life as a fraud.

As a consumer, it is vital that you understand that about 50% of all therapists should be on the couch rather than behind it. Never assume that your therapist has all the answers. And realize that you may have to visit several therapists before you find one that is mentally healthy enough to lift you up to where you want to be.

Alastair has spent the last decade living and working in Bangkok;
however, he is currently spending a period of time back in the United Kingdom

If you want to contact Alastair about his pictures you can email him at AL's Email Address.

or

You can also contact Alastair at one of the following numbers:

+44(0)796 313 5067 (United Kingdom) +66(0)87 996 4757 (Thailand) al_atkinson (Skype)

Thanks.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Alastair has spent the last decade living and working in Bangkok;
however, he is currently spending a period of time back in the United Kingdom

If you want to contact Alastair about his pictures you can email him at AL's Email Address.

or

You can also contact Alastair at one of the following numbers:

+44(0)796 313 5067 (United Kingdom) +66(0)87 996 4757 (Thailand) al_atkinson (Skype)

Thanks.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

More Bumps

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Things got a lot worse this past week, but there is huge promise that they’ll be getting a lot better next week. Well, maybe.

It’s amazing how much of our lives are driven by computers. I just got mine back from the iHospital and I feel a whole person again. But then another computerized disaster struck. I got a phone call from my bank.

“Mr. Wills, were you in Croatia yesterday?” asked the bank rep.

If she would have asked me that a few months back – when I didn’t always wake up remembering what country I was in or if I was coming or going – then I would have had to think hard before answering. (I often forget what I have for breakfast.) However, for the past three months I’ve been very much resident in a tiny shared apartment in a large metropolis on a small, rainy green island. Of this, I am certain.

“No, I wasn’t in Croatia yesterday,” I duly replied.

Turns out that someone (who I assume dresses like the Hamburgler) cloned my bank card and withdrew what little savings I’ve been surviving off of, putting my bank account into the red.

In consequence, my bank card had to be shredded, and I was told I’d get another in the post in 5-7 business days. I was also told that – following an investigation of the fraud – I would get my funds back, but it might take awhile.

Then suddenly I remembered that a company actually owed me some money from last month. With a sense of urgency given the circumstances, I called up the accounts department to enquire about my late cheque. Due to some sort of paper snafu, my cheque was never issued, but the accountant apologised and said it would go out in a cheque run next week.

Then I opened the (free) newspaper to discover that the post office is on strike for all of next week, which means both my cheque and new bank card will soon become be members of a massive backlog and be delayed for another fortnight.

This prompted me to wonder if the phone systems were down – though surprisingly they weren’t – so because a few eager recruitment agents hadn’t called me back regarding some job interviews, I called them. As it turned out, some office-virus is going around and most of the agents I like were off sick this entire past week! To boot, two of the employers they have been speaking with on my behalf are short in the HR departments either for sickness or vacation. Then when everyone (hopefully) comes back, they’ll have a huge backlog of their own to deal with, as well as the postal strike.

But I guess the world is getting smaller. I live in London where Croatians get to tap my meager savings, British civil servants act as if they are in France and viruses know no borders.

But it isn’t all bad news. On the upside I got a temp job that will last for a month and is flexible so I can squeeze out for other interviews.

And next week CeCe and I are going to take some massive steps forward on all three of our OUDBOD Dreams!

I’ll tell you more next week, provided my laptop doesn’t get shot in an altercation with someone “going postal”, I don’t catch some devastating virus from a recruitment agent, and – above all – Apocalypse doesn’t happen.

More Bumps

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Things got a lot worse this past week, but there is huge promise that they’ll be getting a lot better next week. Well, maybe.

It’s amazing how much of our lives are driven by computers. I just got mine back from the iHospital and I feel a whole person again. But then another computerized disaster struck. I got a phone call from my bank.

“Mr. Wills, were you in Croatia yesterday?” asked the bank rep.

If she would have asked me that a few months back – when I didn’t always wake up remembering what country I was in or if I was coming or going – then I would have had to think hard before answering. (I often forget what I have for breakfast.) However, for the past three months I’ve been very much resident in a tiny shared apartment in a large metropolis on a small, rainy green island. Of this, I am certain.

“No, I wasn’t in Croatia yesterday,” I duly replied.

Turns out that someone (who I assume dresses like the Hamburgler) cloned my bank card and withdrew what little savings I’ve been surviving off of, putting my bank account into the red.

In consequence, my bank card had to be shredded, and I was told I’d get another in the post in 5-7 business days. I was also told that – following an investigation of the fraud – I would get my funds back, but it might take awhile.

Then suddenly I remembered that a company actually owed me some money from last month. With a sense of urgency given the circumstances, I called up the accounts department to enquire about my late cheque. Due to some sort of paper snafu, my cheque was never issued, but the accountant apologised and said it would go out in a cheque run next week.

Then I opened the (free) newspaper to discover that the post office is on strike for all of next week, which means both my cheque and new bank card will soon become be members of a massive backlog and be delayed for another fortnight.

This prompted me to wonder if the phone systems were down – though surprisingly they weren’t – so because a few eager recruitment agents hadn’t called me back regarding some job interviews, I called them. As it turned out, some office-virus is going around and most of the agents I like were off sick this entire past week! To boot, two of the employers they have been speaking with on my behalf are short in the HR departments either for sickness or vacation. Then when everyone (hopefully) comes back, they’ll have a huge backlog of their own to deal with, as well as the postal strike.

But I guess the world is getting smaller. I live in London where Croatians get to tap my meager savings, British civil servants act as if they are in France and viruses know no borders.

But it isn’t all bad news. On the upside I got a temp job that will last for a month and is flexible so I can squeeze out for other interviews.

And next week CeCe and I are going to take some massive steps forward on all three of our OUDBOD Dreams!

I’ll tell you more next week, provided my laptop doesn’t get shot in an altercation with someone “going postal”, I don’t catch some devastating virus from a recruitment agent, and – above all – Apocalypse doesn’t happen.

Worms and stuff

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

It’s been raining and damp and cold the past few days, and there is nothing more sickening then the smell of fermenting dead worms on the street. I tried something men really shouldn’t: multi-task. I was typing out a text message to CeCe while walking, when peripherally I clocked the rotting carcass of a huge worm on the sidewalk, and my foot was on course to land on it. In jumping to avoid stepping on it, I stubbed my toe on someone’s brick wall.

The pain was intense. I saw red. I tried to type out how I felt in the text message, but because predictive text was on, I could only cycle through word options as I hopped madly about - eventually landing on the closest permutation: Duck.

It’s been one of “those” weeks. My trusty laptop comes out of the hospital tomorrow, so that is good news. Still no solid job yet, and I still don’t like the process of waiting on other people (i.e. sales-reactive recruitment agents) selling me instead of me selling me. I half dabbled with the idea a few posts ago of launching an AreYouMyJOB blog to do exactly what AreYouMyWife did: cut out the walls and masks.

But the last thing I need to do right now is wing off on another zany and unfunded adventure. Not just yet. There is two of us to think about now, and the idea is to get steady, so I’ll have to play the recruitment game… for now … and maybe improve it later. And on that note…

Someone asked me a question in an email: If I had been on an internet dating site before launching AreYouMyWife, would I have met CeCe? The honest answer, I think, is no.

Long ago I didn’t think I had an affinity with blond, blue-eyed and tall girls such as CeCe. I have all those traits myself, so part of me figured I would end up with someone opposite: perhaps petite, darker features, etc. Opposites attract, right?

But let’s get hypothetical for a second. Say I never started AYMW and instead CeCe and I happened to sign onto an internet dating site at the same time. Firstly, we would have had to tick a lot of boxes about ourselves: height, hair colour, religion, politics, etc. etc. etc. not to mention write a “blurb” (or better said “product placement text”) about ourselves, and put our digital photos up.

That, pretty much, is how most internet dating sites are structured. The way people meet is either by having “love software” run statistical analysis and suggest other users to you, or you simply browse, or do a refined search where you tick what you are looking for in a partner.

I met CeCe because I dropped all labels and pre-text and we had experiences together and discovered each other as whole people, as opposed to binary packets that our minds might pre-label.

I’ve received a number of emails asking what my ideas for Dream#03 are, most of them opening with “I’m tired of internet dating sites, you gotta help me based on what you did.”

I get my laptop back tomorrow. We’ll start with that, provided I don’t slip on a worm.

Worms and stuff

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

It’s been raining and damp and cold the past few days, and there is nothing more sickening then the smell of fermenting dead worms on the street. I tried something men really shouldn’t: multi-task. I was typing out a text message to CeCe while walking, when peripherally I clocked the rotting carcass of a huge worm on the sidewalk, and my foot was on course to land on it. In jumping to avoid stepping on it, I stubbed my toe on someone’s brick wall.

The pain was intense. I saw red. I tried to type out how I felt in the text message, but because predictive text was on, I could only cycle through word options as I hopped madly about - eventually landing on the closest permutation: Duck.

It’s been one of “those” weeks. My trusty laptop comes out of the hospital tomorrow, so that is good news. Still no solid job yet, and I still don’t like the process of waiting on other people (i.e. sales-reactive recruitment agents) selling me instead of me selling me. I half dabbled with the idea a few posts ago of launching an AreYouMyJOB blog to do exactly what AreYouMyWife did: cut out the walls and masks.

But the last thing I need to do right now is wing off on another zany and unfunded adventure. Not just yet. There is two of us to think about now, and the idea is to get steady, so I’ll have to play the recruitment game… for now … and maybe improve it later. And on that note…

Someone asked me a question in an email: If I had been on an internet dating site before launching AreYouMyWife, would I have met CeCe? The honest answer, I think, is no.

Long ago I didn’t think I had an affinity with blond, blue-eyed and tall girls such as CeCe. I have all those traits myself, so part of me figured I would end up with someone opposite: perhaps petite, darker features, etc. Opposites attract, right?

But let’s get hypothetical for a second. Say I never started AYMW and instead CeCe and I happened to sign onto an internet dating site at the same time. Firstly, we would have had to tick a lot of boxes about ourselves: height, hair colour, religion, politics, etc. etc. etc. not to mention write a “blurb” (or better said “product placement text”) about ourselves, and put our digital photos up.

That, pretty much, is how most internet dating sites are structured. The way people meet is either by having “love software” run statistical analysis and suggest other users to you, or you simply browse, or do a refined search where you tick what you are looking for in a partner.

I met CeCe because I dropped all labels and pre-text and we had experiences together and discovered each other as whole people, as opposed to binary packets that our minds might pre-label.

I’ve received a number of emails asking what my ideas for Dream#03 are, most of them opening with “I’m tired of internet dating sites, you gotta help me based on what you did.”

I get my laptop back tomorrow. We’ll start with that, provided I don’t slip on a worm.

Adult Children of Divorce - How to Cope

Most people these days have some understanding of the emotional trauma that children undergo when their parents divorce. Because of the increase of divorce during the 80's much of the latest research has focused on adult children of divorce - both those who were young when their parent's divorced and those who are adults dealing with a parent's divorce.

What has been very telling in the latest research is the finding that adults who's parent's have long since divorced report having unresolved feelings that directly relate to the early family break-up. Many report still feeling partly responsible for their parent's divorce, and most report having had much difficulty in their adult life forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Another interesting finding is that for those who are adults at the time of their parent's divorce, the feelings of confusion, fear, guilt and insecurity are much the same as they are for children who's parents divorce. They worry about family gatherings and who will be upset if the adult child spends time with the other parent. They feel torn in their desire to remain loyal to both parents. They fear loosing the love or the relationship with one or both parents. Overall, the feelings, the trauma and the discomfort remains the same - just the level of understanding differs.

Here are some ways that adult children can begin to cope:

* The adult child should firmly, but lovingly, refuse to be drawn into the middle of the conflict.

* Don't get involved in their financial arrangements or invite one parent to live with you during their transition.

* The adult child needs to have a well developed support network that allows a "safe" place to let out feelings and to recieve helpful input.

* Grieving is normal! you need to allow yourself times to cry, times to vent, and times to feel sad. It's OK.

* It's important to work on forgiving your parents weaknesses and faults. A little understanding and reasonable expectations go a long way toward healing.

* Family gatherings are important. However, some of them may need to be adjusted to meet the changed family situation. Be flexible.

* Create your own traditions and family activities. This helps the healing process and strengthens the family ties.

* Spend positive time together at the new family gatherings. Find fun things to do to help deal with stress and to begin rebuilding.

* If angry feelings bubble to the surface when family is together politely excuse yourself and later let the family know that you refuse to be involved in any type of gossip or angry banter against other members of the family.

Adult Children of Divorce - How to Cope

Most people these days have some understanding of the emotional trauma that children undergo when their parents divorce. Because of the increase of divorce during the 80's much of the latest research has focused on adult children of divorce - both those who were young when their parent's divorced and those who are adults dealing with a parent's divorce.

What has been very telling in the latest research is the finding that adults who's parent's have long since divorced report having unresolved feelings that directly relate to the early family break-up. Many report still feeling partly responsible for their parent's divorce, and most report having had much difficulty in their adult life forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Another interesting finding is that for those who are adults at the time of their parent's divorce, the feelings of confusion, fear, guilt and insecurity are much the same as they are for children who's parents divorce. They worry about family gatherings and who will be upset if the adult child spends time with the other parent. They feel torn in their desire to remain loyal to both parents. They fear loosing the love or the relationship with one or both parents. Overall, the feelings, the trauma and the discomfort remains the same - just the level of understanding differs.

Here are some ways that adult children can begin to cope:

* The adult child should firmly, but lovingly, refuse to be drawn into the middle of the conflict.

* Don't get involved in their financial arrangements or invite one parent to live with you during their transition.

* The adult child needs to have a well developed support network that allows a "safe" place to let out feelings and to recieve helpful input.

* Grieving is normal! you need to allow yourself times to cry, times to vent, and times to feel sad. It's OK.

* It's important to work on forgiving your parents weaknesses and faults. A little understanding and reasonable expectations go a long way toward healing.

* Family gatherings are important. However, some of them may need to be adjusted to meet the changed family situation. Be flexible.

* Create your own traditions and family activities. This helps the healing process and strengthens the family ties.

* Spend positive time together at the new family gatherings. Find fun things to do to help deal with stress and to begin rebuilding.

* If angry feelings bubble to the surface when family is together politely excuse yourself and later let the family know that you refuse to be involved in any type of gossip or angry banter against other members of the family.