1. Get inside your face.
2. Cut you open and feed your guts to ninja ducks without having to touch them cus your guts are dirty disgusting awful grody hairy vile and any other thesaurus terms you use to make gross a big word.
3. Make you eat your vowels since you don't use them anymore.
4. Make you realize you are you. And you die just like that.
5. Tell David Betanahu to ask you to go out on a date and you die of embarrassment not because you've been asked on a date by a 10 year old old man, but because you're you. You die just by being you.
6. Record myself singing 'You steal awesome ideas, you should be in jail' in the tune of the Alphabet song, purposely out of tune and on repeat so you'll get pissed off, then you poke your nose with a pencil. Not only are you a loser but a loser who cannot smell.
7. Tie you in a chair as Porky interrogates you in German.
8. TRY to sandwich you between Carrot Top's man boobs.
9. Make finger puppets of you and Pete Wentz then make you two kiss a passionate kiss.
10. Let Nick Rivers chase you and blow ghastly pelvic powers at you.
11. Turn you into wax and form you as a flamingo. And yes, the flamingo is a million times more awesome than you, not that you're awesome.
12. Squeeze you inside Spice Girls lollipops so they would have you as gum.
13. Push you off a building and you break into awesome glass pieces that when put together would make an awesome statue of Karen Callora.
Things I would kill you with:
1. Rusty cheese grater
2. Lady Gaga's Kermit the frog-filled costume
3. A pliers, a wrench and a screw driver
4. A sledgehammer
5. Esther
6. Karaoke machine
7. A plastic flamingo
8. Peanut butter
9. Peanut butter fingers
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