Is That Normal?

I'm often asked if a particular behavior is normal. As usual the answer is "It depends."

By definition, normal is something that conforms to a social standard, and the reasoning is valid. For instance, Most people are apprehensive around a poisonous snake, and the behavior of stepping away is valid - because the snake is capable of causing you harm.

In general you can determine if a particular behavior is normal by asking yourself if it, in any way, causes difficulty in any area of your life. For instance, spending an hour to apply your makeup in order to feel satisfied with your look is abnormal in that 1. most people can apply their make up in a few minutes, and 2. the time you spend applying makeup takes time away that could be put to better use. You may be loosing sleep because you wake up earlier than you would otherwise choose to, or you may be chronically late because of the time you spend on your makeup etc.

Sometimes the range of what is considered normal is quite varied. For instance the frequency of sex in a normal relationship can range from once a month to every day. That is because other issues are considered such as age, relationship length, health and personal preference. Still, frequency that does not fall within the social norm is considered abnormal.

Sometimes people rationalize that their deviant behavior is in fact normal by attesting that "everyone does it" when in fact everyone does not do it and in fact the majority of people do not. I recently heard a man use this rationale to justify his addiction to pornography.

So if you are wondering if a particular behavior is normal, ask yourself if most people would see it as the norm, and then ask yourself how accurate your reasoning is for engaging in the behavior. Is your life being adversely affected because of your behavior?

The trick is to be honest with yourself. Sometimes asking an unbiased other is a good way to get the best feedback.