More Bumps

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Things got a lot worse this past week, but there is huge promise that they’ll be getting a lot better next week. Well, maybe.

It’s amazing how much of our lives are driven by computers. I just got mine back from the iHospital and I feel a whole person again. But then another computerized disaster struck. I got a phone call from my bank.

“Mr. Wills, were you in Croatia yesterday?” asked the bank rep.

If she would have asked me that a few months back – when I didn’t always wake up remembering what country I was in or if I was coming or going – then I would have had to think hard before answering. (I often forget what I have for breakfast.) However, for the past three months I’ve been very much resident in a tiny shared apartment in a large metropolis on a small, rainy green island. Of this, I am certain.

“No, I wasn’t in Croatia yesterday,” I duly replied.

Turns out that someone (who I assume dresses like the Hamburgler) cloned my bank card and withdrew what little savings I’ve been surviving off of, putting my bank account into the red.

In consequence, my bank card had to be shredded, and I was told I’d get another in the post in 5-7 business days. I was also told that – following an investigation of the fraud – I would get my funds back, but it might take awhile.

Then suddenly I remembered that a company actually owed me some money from last month. With a sense of urgency given the circumstances, I called up the accounts department to enquire about my late cheque. Due to some sort of paper snafu, my cheque was never issued, but the accountant apologised and said it would go out in a cheque run next week.

Then I opened the (free) newspaper to discover that the post office is on strike for all of next week, which means both my cheque and new bank card will soon become be members of a massive backlog and be delayed for another fortnight.

This prompted me to wonder if the phone systems were down – though surprisingly they weren’t – so because a few eager recruitment agents hadn’t called me back regarding some job interviews, I called them. As it turned out, some office-virus is going around and most of the agents I like were off sick this entire past week! To boot, two of the employers they have been speaking with on my behalf are short in the HR departments either for sickness or vacation. Then when everyone (hopefully) comes back, they’ll have a huge backlog of their own to deal with, as well as the postal strike.

But I guess the world is getting smaller. I live in London where Croatians get to tap my meager savings, British civil servants act as if they are in France and viruses know no borders.

But it isn’t all bad news. On the upside I got a temp job that will last for a month and is flexible so I can squeeze out for other interviews.

And next week CeCe and I are going to take some massive steps forward on all three of our OUDBOD Dreams!

I’ll tell you more next week, provided my laptop doesn’t get shot in an altercation with someone “going postal”, I don’t catch some devastating virus from a recruitment agent, and – above all – Apocalypse doesn’t happen.

More Bumps

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

Things got a lot worse this past week, but there is huge promise that they’ll be getting a lot better next week. Well, maybe.

It’s amazing how much of our lives are driven by computers. I just got mine back from the iHospital and I feel a whole person again. But then another computerized disaster struck. I got a phone call from my bank.

“Mr. Wills, were you in Croatia yesterday?” asked the bank rep.

If she would have asked me that a few months back – when I didn’t always wake up remembering what country I was in or if I was coming or going – then I would have had to think hard before answering. (I often forget what I have for breakfast.) However, for the past three months I’ve been very much resident in a tiny shared apartment in a large metropolis on a small, rainy green island. Of this, I am certain.

“No, I wasn’t in Croatia yesterday,” I duly replied.

Turns out that someone (who I assume dresses like the Hamburgler) cloned my bank card and withdrew what little savings I’ve been surviving off of, putting my bank account into the red.

In consequence, my bank card had to be shredded, and I was told I’d get another in the post in 5-7 business days. I was also told that – following an investigation of the fraud – I would get my funds back, but it might take awhile.

Then suddenly I remembered that a company actually owed me some money from last month. With a sense of urgency given the circumstances, I called up the accounts department to enquire about my late cheque. Due to some sort of paper snafu, my cheque was never issued, but the accountant apologised and said it would go out in a cheque run next week.

Then I opened the (free) newspaper to discover that the post office is on strike for all of next week, which means both my cheque and new bank card will soon become be members of a massive backlog and be delayed for another fortnight.

This prompted me to wonder if the phone systems were down – though surprisingly they weren’t – so because a few eager recruitment agents hadn’t called me back regarding some job interviews, I called them. As it turned out, some office-virus is going around and most of the agents I like were off sick this entire past week! To boot, two of the employers they have been speaking with on my behalf are short in the HR departments either for sickness or vacation. Then when everyone (hopefully) comes back, they’ll have a huge backlog of their own to deal with, as well as the postal strike.

But I guess the world is getting smaller. I live in London where Croatians get to tap my meager savings, British civil servants act as if they are in France and viruses know no borders.

But it isn’t all bad news. On the upside I got a temp job that will last for a month and is flexible so I can squeeze out for other interviews.

And next week CeCe and I are going to take some massive steps forward on all three of our OUDBOD Dreams!

I’ll tell you more next week, provided my laptop doesn’t get shot in an altercation with someone “going postal”, I don’t catch some devastating virus from a recruitment agent, and – above all – Apocalypse doesn’t happen.

Worms and stuff

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

It’s been raining and damp and cold the past few days, and there is nothing more sickening then the smell of fermenting dead worms on the street. I tried something men really shouldn’t: multi-task. I was typing out a text message to CeCe while walking, when peripherally I clocked the rotting carcass of a huge worm on the sidewalk, and my foot was on course to land on it. In jumping to avoid stepping on it, I stubbed my toe on someone’s brick wall.

The pain was intense. I saw red. I tried to type out how I felt in the text message, but because predictive text was on, I could only cycle through word options as I hopped madly about - eventually landing on the closest permutation: Duck.

It’s been one of “those” weeks. My trusty laptop comes out of the hospital tomorrow, so that is good news. Still no solid job yet, and I still don’t like the process of waiting on other people (i.e. sales-reactive recruitment agents) selling me instead of me selling me. I half dabbled with the idea a few posts ago of launching an AreYouMyJOB blog to do exactly what AreYouMyWife did: cut out the walls and masks.

But the last thing I need to do right now is wing off on another zany and unfunded adventure. Not just yet. There is two of us to think about now, and the idea is to get steady, so I’ll have to play the recruitment game… for now … and maybe improve it later. And on that note…

Someone asked me a question in an email: If I had been on an internet dating site before launching AreYouMyWife, would I have met CeCe? The honest answer, I think, is no.

Long ago I didn’t think I had an affinity with blond, blue-eyed and tall girls such as CeCe. I have all those traits myself, so part of me figured I would end up with someone opposite: perhaps petite, darker features, etc. Opposites attract, right?

But let’s get hypothetical for a second. Say I never started AYMW and instead CeCe and I happened to sign onto an internet dating site at the same time. Firstly, we would have had to tick a lot of boxes about ourselves: height, hair colour, religion, politics, etc. etc. etc. not to mention write a “blurb” (or better said “product placement text”) about ourselves, and put our digital photos up.

That, pretty much, is how most internet dating sites are structured. The way people meet is either by having “love software” run statistical analysis and suggest other users to you, or you simply browse, or do a refined search where you tick what you are looking for in a partner.

I met CeCe because I dropped all labels and pre-text and we had experiences together and discovered each other as whole people, as opposed to binary packets that our minds might pre-label.

I’ve received a number of emails asking what my ideas for Dream#03 are, most of them opening with “I’m tired of internet dating sites, you gotta help me based on what you did.”

I get my laptop back tomorrow. We’ll start with that, provided I don’t slip on a worm.

Worms and stuff

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

It’s been raining and damp and cold the past few days, and there is nothing more sickening then the smell of fermenting dead worms on the street. I tried something men really shouldn’t: multi-task. I was typing out a text message to CeCe while walking, when peripherally I clocked the rotting carcass of a huge worm on the sidewalk, and my foot was on course to land on it. In jumping to avoid stepping on it, I stubbed my toe on someone’s brick wall.

The pain was intense. I saw red. I tried to type out how I felt in the text message, but because predictive text was on, I could only cycle through word options as I hopped madly about - eventually landing on the closest permutation: Duck.

It’s been one of “those” weeks. My trusty laptop comes out of the hospital tomorrow, so that is good news. Still no solid job yet, and I still don’t like the process of waiting on other people (i.e. sales-reactive recruitment agents) selling me instead of me selling me. I half dabbled with the idea a few posts ago of launching an AreYouMyJOB blog to do exactly what AreYouMyWife did: cut out the walls and masks.

But the last thing I need to do right now is wing off on another zany and unfunded adventure. Not just yet. There is two of us to think about now, and the idea is to get steady, so I’ll have to play the recruitment game… for now … and maybe improve it later. And on that note…

Someone asked me a question in an email: If I had been on an internet dating site before launching AreYouMyWife, would I have met CeCe? The honest answer, I think, is no.

Long ago I didn’t think I had an affinity with blond, blue-eyed and tall girls such as CeCe. I have all those traits myself, so part of me figured I would end up with someone opposite: perhaps petite, darker features, etc. Opposites attract, right?

But let’s get hypothetical for a second. Say I never started AYMW and instead CeCe and I happened to sign onto an internet dating site at the same time. Firstly, we would have had to tick a lot of boxes about ourselves: height, hair colour, religion, politics, etc. etc. etc. not to mention write a “blurb” (or better said “product placement text”) about ourselves, and put our digital photos up.

That, pretty much, is how most internet dating sites are structured. The way people meet is either by having “love software” run statistical analysis and suggest other users to you, or you simply browse, or do a refined search where you tick what you are looking for in a partner.

I met CeCe because I dropped all labels and pre-text and we had experiences together and discovered each other as whole people, as opposed to binary packets that our minds might pre-label.

I’ve received a number of emails asking what my ideas for Dream#03 are, most of them opening with “I’m tired of internet dating sites, you gotta help me based on what you did.”

I get my laptop back tomorrow. We’ll start with that, provided I don’t slip on a worm.

Adult Children of Divorce - How to Cope

Most people these days have some understanding of the emotional trauma that children undergo when their parents divorce. Because of the increase of divorce during the 80's much of the latest research has focused on adult children of divorce - both those who were young when their parent's divorced and those who are adults dealing with a parent's divorce.

What has been very telling in the latest research is the finding that adults who's parent's have long since divorced report having unresolved feelings that directly relate to the early family break-up. Many report still feeling partly responsible for their parent's divorce, and most report having had much difficulty in their adult life forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Another interesting finding is that for those who are adults at the time of their parent's divorce, the feelings of confusion, fear, guilt and insecurity are much the same as they are for children who's parents divorce. They worry about family gatherings and who will be upset if the adult child spends time with the other parent. They feel torn in their desire to remain loyal to both parents. They fear loosing the love or the relationship with one or both parents. Overall, the feelings, the trauma and the discomfort remains the same - just the level of understanding differs.

Here are some ways that adult children can begin to cope:

* The adult child should firmly, but lovingly, refuse to be drawn into the middle of the conflict.

* Don't get involved in their financial arrangements or invite one parent to live with you during their transition.

* The adult child needs to have a well developed support network that allows a "safe" place to let out feelings and to recieve helpful input.

* Grieving is normal! you need to allow yourself times to cry, times to vent, and times to feel sad. It's OK.

* It's important to work on forgiving your parents weaknesses and faults. A little understanding and reasonable expectations go a long way toward healing.

* Family gatherings are important. However, some of them may need to be adjusted to meet the changed family situation. Be flexible.

* Create your own traditions and family activities. This helps the healing process and strengthens the family ties.

* Spend positive time together at the new family gatherings. Find fun things to do to help deal with stress and to begin rebuilding.

* If angry feelings bubble to the surface when family is together politely excuse yourself and later let the family know that you refuse to be involved in any type of gossip or angry banter against other members of the family.

Adult Children of Divorce - How to Cope

Most people these days have some understanding of the emotional trauma that children undergo when their parents divorce. Because of the increase of divorce during the 80's much of the latest research has focused on adult children of divorce - both those who were young when their parent's divorced and those who are adults dealing with a parent's divorce.

What has been very telling in the latest research is the finding that adults who's parent's have long since divorced report having unresolved feelings that directly relate to the early family break-up. Many report still feeling partly responsible for their parent's divorce, and most report having had much difficulty in their adult life forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Another interesting finding is that for those who are adults at the time of their parent's divorce, the feelings of confusion, fear, guilt and insecurity are much the same as they are for children who's parents divorce. They worry about family gatherings and who will be upset if the adult child spends time with the other parent. They feel torn in their desire to remain loyal to both parents. They fear loosing the love or the relationship with one or both parents. Overall, the feelings, the trauma and the discomfort remains the same - just the level of understanding differs.

Here are some ways that adult children can begin to cope:

* The adult child should firmly, but lovingly, refuse to be drawn into the middle of the conflict.

* Don't get involved in their financial arrangements or invite one parent to live with you during their transition.

* The adult child needs to have a well developed support network that allows a "safe" place to let out feelings and to recieve helpful input.

* Grieving is normal! you need to allow yourself times to cry, times to vent, and times to feel sad. It's OK.

* It's important to work on forgiving your parents weaknesses and faults. A little understanding and reasonable expectations go a long way toward healing.

* Family gatherings are important. However, some of them may need to be adjusted to meet the changed family situation. Be flexible.

* Create your own traditions and family activities. This helps the healing process and strengthens the family ties.

* Spend positive time together at the new family gatherings. Find fun things to do to help deal with stress and to begin rebuilding.

* If angry feelings bubble to the surface when family is together politely excuse yourself and later let the family know that you refuse to be involved in any type of gossip or angry banter against other members of the family.

The Two Month Itch

An update from OurUltimateDate.com

(I was going to go old-school on this and make a video instead of a write up. I haven’t made an AreYouMyWife video in awhile. But I had an accident with my laptop and it’s in hospital. The dent is in the most tragic of places: the place where I plug the power in. So my laptop has lost it’s life line. Thank goodness my battery was fully charged and acted as life support. So back to an internet café for now. But here’s what I wanted to say:)

Depending on which magazines you read, married couples get “the itch” three, five or seven years after they say vows. Well CeCe and I are not married, but we both have the two month itch.

It has been pretty much been two months to the day since I finished AYMW, and just under a month since I moved in with CeCe to live our Ultimate Date.

To be honest, going through the AYMW journey to get to where I am now has been complete down shift in terms of speed. One minute I lived for the day, didn’t know where I would end up in the big wide world and was constantly dating and meeting new people and having adventures.

Since moving in with CeCe, I’ve been tethered to our very tiny apartment, my clothes are in a wardrobe and I’m back on the London job market.

However, every night CeCe and I talk about where we’re at in terms of our relationship and our OUDBOD dreams. OUDBOD is kind of like our bible; a source of inspiration, but we also use it as a tool to constantly remind ourselves of what we want, and hold each other to account. (To boot, we’ve decorated our apartment with some of the Grains of Sand I collected from all over the world.)

I have come to realise that when I set up AYMW my goal was get to know someone naturally, see if we work as a team and see if they – like me – strive to keep life interesting. And what better way than to live with someone in a tiny apartment, struggle with them financially but still harbour big hopes and dreams that we want to pull off within a year?

So I’m definitely have the two month itch, but the itch is not to get married quickly or – on the other hand – to be single again and back doing the wild AYMW process. I’m itchy to get a good job right now, be stable and work on OUDBOD dreams.

Whether or not we achieve our main mission – to remove the ? from AYMW – remains to be seen. But for now, I’m happy to be downshifting the speed. Living out of a bag is only fun for so long, but having a nest to come home to and contribute to is an awesome feeling.

And if Cece and I do well at these slow speeds, maybe next year we’ll up-shift and speed off in some new and wild direction. And of course, everyone reading this is invited to participate.

I’m also very itchy to get my laptop fixed, so I can make another video!

More soon…

***

Other Stuff:

A few folks don’t want to come all the way here to OurUltimateDate.com. They like the old AreYouMyWife blog just fine. So I decided to mirror all posts on the old blog as well. That way nobody has to re-shuffle their bookmarks, RSSs and email update feeds. The customer is, after all, always right!

Oh, and if your wondering why I took my UK contact phone number down, it’s because a woman in Sri Lanka was harassing me at all hours of day and night to get her out of that country.