Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Family

I had a friend once who had intense, frequent thoughts of her own death. She imagined that she was going to be hit by a car. Although she was in therapy, she was not getting the help she needed, and before long she found it difficult to drive her car, fearing an accident. She so feared the power of her thoughts that she eventually became afraid to leave her home for fear of being hit by a car. She was 23, and the last time I heard from her, 10 years later, she was still housebound. To preserve her live she imprisoned herself in her home and stopped living.

Many people with Obsessive Compulsive disorder (OCD) have frequent thoughts of catastrophic death, either their own or that of their family members. The anxiety they feel when thoughts pop into their mind is so powerful that they can come to believe that their thoughts have the power to create the imagined catastrophe. To anyone else, that sounds downright crazy, but for the person experiencing the obsessive thought it seems very real.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a common topic on the talk show circuit, but what most people don't know is that most of us have some degree of obsessive and or compulsive tendencies. Obsessions are when you can't stop thinking about something, like worrying about whether or not you locked the door. Compulsions are when you feel compelled to do something, such as repeatedly checking to see if you really did lock the door.

Compulsive or obsessive tendencies don't become a problem unless they begin to verge on the irrational, or they begin to negatively impact your life or the life of those around you. For instance, you have to check the front door several times in order to feel secure, or you begin to feel anxious, worrying that the door might not have been locked properly. You might even return home prematurely in order to appease your anxiety.

One of the most devastating problems that results from a parent with irrational obsessions or compulsions is the negative impact it can have on the lives of their children. A parent that is overly afraid of germs, unhealthy foods or engaging in specific activities will inadvertently teach their children to fear the world.

I have seen children that were never allowed to jump on a trampoline or to stay overnight with a friend because of their parent's heightened anxiety and irrational fears. These children are being psychologically crippled by their neurotic parent. The fear based parent is forever changing who their child becomes, preventing them the freedom to explore the world around them or to live life to their fullest potential.

A parent terrified of their child being injured or dying may prevent them from swimming at the shore or bike riding with their friends. A parent who makes their child pay the price for their anxiety will unwittingly raise a child who reacts in one of two ways. Either the child will become rebellious, angry, and unable to discern between safe and unsafe activities. Or the child may adapt to the parent's neurotic control by learning to see the world through a filter of fear, creating emotional paralysis.

Living in a constant state of fear is a miserable, unhappy way to exist. But imposing our fears onto our innocent child is the saddest of all outcomes.

There is hope, but it requires the parent to choose the mental health of their child over their fears. Ask yourself, "Which do I love more, my child or my fear?"
It sounds harsh, but that is what it comes down to. Will you refuse treatment and choose instead to allow your irrational behaviors and thoughts to negatively impact your family, or do you choose to protect your child from psychological harm by getting help for yourself?

Facing your fear is nearly impossible without professional help. If it was easy you would have done it already. But addressing your fear is one of the quickest "fixes" in therapeutic terms. To help you with life immediately, a medication called an SSRI may be prescribed. But to get permanently past your obsessive-compulsive tendencies you will need the help of a skilled cognitive/behavioral therapist.

With professional help you will learn how to identify your irrational thoughts, how to replace them with rational thinking, and how to work through your fears. Unlike many types of therapy, this process can take as few as 6 sessions, and rarely more than 6 months.

Imagine your life becoming free from anxiety and fear in as little as 6 weeks to 6 months. Six months is going to come and go weather or not you get help. How do you want to be living six months from now? How important is it to you to protect your children from emotional harm? Bite the bullet. Get the help. Choose life!